WITH GADOLINIUM ENHANCEMENT | Jacqueline Redmer
Today I am asked to see your body
as it takes on new function and form.
In this time of the New Moon
I consult the medical device shamans
who see things with magnet machines
their visions carefully inscribed in the text
I interpret. My voice softly repeating words like
“prominent reactive changes" and “adjacent mass effect without lateral shift.”
Suddenly my hands are in my white pockets
looking for a sacred anchor, a ritual object to hold onto.
I watch time spin by, then stop -
knowing that a mass with peripheral enhancement,
central necrosis and vasogenic edema
should never be found in the brain’s white matter.
I look out the window and notice the leaves
have already fallen from the trees this year.
I see now that there isn’t enough time
and yet, I have all of the time in the world -
both are illusions
the shaman helps me to understand;
because the ventricles, the sulci and basal cisterns appear unremarkable,
because in the end even that doesn’t matter.
Jacqueline Redmer works as a family medicine physician in rural Wisconsin. She is also the mother of three young girls. She started writing poetry during the Covid pandemic to steady herself during the pauses of a busy life. She is currently a student in the Columbia University CPA Narrative Medicine Program. Her favorite place to write is in the backyard sauna.