HOPE FOR A LIE | Overbeck Christian Takou Mbah

I don’t like to hear you cough.
I don’t like to hear you moan.
I don’t like to hear you breathe.
It scares me.

You seldom smile. I notice.
Your voice is soothing. I understand none of it.
You thank often. I hear Vietnamese.
You speak to your daughter. Linh speaks to me.

I ask about chills. You answer
with a nod.
I ask about your weight. You answer
hesitantly.
I ask about your aches. You answer
nothing.
I ask about your joy. You answer
Linh.

You feel old. The days are no longer
full.
You recall the days that felt long, the days you felt short
of breath.

The image before me.
Your story unfolds.
A constellation in your chest:
Metastasis.

I don’t like to say the word.
You won’t like to hear the word.
We don’t like to say the word.
We search for the truth. We hope
for a lie.

You dove into a cave, perhaps.
At 76?
You are an immigrant. Maybe it’s tuberculosis.
I hope it’s tuberculosis.
You ask what you have. I want to deceive. I can’t deceive.
Neither can your body, your node, your tissue:
Adenocarcinoma, thyroid primary.

You offer no word. No nod. No hesitancy.
You thank me for my work. Your joy
cries before me.

Overbeck Christian Takou Mbah is a PGY-1 internal medicine resident at Stanford Health Care. He moved to the U.S. to pursue higher education after graduating from high school in Cameroon, his home country. He lived in Boston, learned English as a second language, and enrolled at the University of Massachusetts Boston. He then studied medicine at Stanford University School of Medicine, where he also obtained a Master's in epidemiology and clinical research. In the residency program at Stanford Health Care, Takou Mbah is one of two global health track residents. He is interested in subspecializing in pulmonary and critical care medicine. In his free time, he writes and draws with charcoal.