IN A MACULAR DEGENERATING WORLD | JC Williams

-- for Jean

The sparrows will visit, maybe a cardinal, if I can find
my bird feeder and someone to hang it filled with seed.
From the corners of my eyes, I’ll see dashes of brown
for the common ones; a splash of scarlet for the stately male.
I’ll hear them squabble for access and, in the quiet of morning,
I’ll hear soft fluttering of wings battling for space,
feel the tink of emptied shells dropped to my wooden railing,
until feathers scatter with the whirl of a machine
trimming grass at my new home.

When my father died, mourning doves gathered outside
his bedroom window, as if called for counsel on the next phase
or as a welcoming committee for a recruit. My birds
have a longer wait. I can still feel the sun tingle my cheeks,
imagine them reddening even if the rays’ cutting brilliance
is dimmed. My hands are my eyes now as I slice apple
and cheese, arrange them for a visitor who, well-intended,
will whirl in and around and chat of this and that,
leaving me dizzy in my slowing world.

Yesterday, before the movers came, I sat on my old balcony
overlooking the river. Six birds, house sparrows most likely,
swooped in, alighted on my railing, something
that had never happened before. I listened carefully,
eavesdropping on their chatter. But the clang, clang
of the sailboats rocking in their slips drowned out
their message. So, here in my new home,
I’ll just imagine what it is I heard them say.

JC Williams began writing poetry after careers in philosophy and law. Her poems have appeared in Pen In Hand, Pan Haiku Review, Elsewhere: A Journal of Place and inScribe. She was diagnosed with an ocular melanoma when she was 29 and, with an enucleation of her right eye, is a grateful survivor. Her poem “Ocular Melanoma” appeared in Months to Years in 2023. Williams is a past participant in the AWP’s Writer to Writer Program, working with poet and essayist Jehanne Dubrow of the University of North Texas. In addition to poetry, her loves are her partner, their daughter and tai chi. She lives in Maryland.